Happy! Sha La~ La~ La~ La~

ok.. back to why im happy.. or why i could be happy. this whole weekend was spent working my arse off. worked on fri, sat and today(sun). worked near woodlands customs checkpoint on friday at sheng siong hypermarket. i was just a few steps away from johor man. lol anyways.. tat night, martin was my sales rep. dont really like him. i believed he had bad intentions towards me.. cos he asked me to go clubbing after work and he was quite secretive to the other promoter when the promoter asked martin in the car if he was sending me home.. thank god, i mentioned nick and he backed off man. if not tat guy would be thinking of screwing me.

then on sat i was assigned to the west side. urgh. so freaking far can? was assigned to BOON LAY jurong point liberty and clementic ntuc. KNN. so freaking far.. then my sales rep was patrick. dont like patrick either, he got this black face.. damn fucked up face. then in the evening.. jonny took over. jonny is nice.. damn funny person. comical. makes work fun and makes us laugh at his mad antics.
jonny isnt supposed to be with the supermarkets division. he belongs to the sundries division. but cos nick is not in singapore.. jonny has taken over his duties as for now. and sunday was at jurong east IMM giant and at boon lay ntuc. sales for both days were really good. sold close to 15 cartons. my partner or colleague was fun and hyper like me.. proactive and keen to sell.. xiulan is her name.. we both worked pretty hard and produced good results i guess. both of us were damn tired but we still went on.. :)

so maybe it cos of the fun i had this weekend working.. tat my mind is always work and fun.. tat im not really thinking abt jon and all those suffocating stuff.

but the other reason is highly cos nick msged me today from canada. hee! we kinda chatted over sms for awhile today. was nice. he said he misses me.. lol. funny. said he cant wait to get back to singapore... lol.. me silly.. me behaving like mad woman. lol

anyways.. all this leads me to think how tight my finances would be next month cos of my HIGH bills due to me sending smses to canada.. shit.. need to cut down. im already trying not to smsm nick till he smses.. and he only comes back on the 6th of june. cant wait! hurhurhur.

okay. me going to sleep. me going swimming tmrw morn. me will be late if i dont sleep now. goodnight! :)

Happy!

Dont ask me why but i feel happy today. but before i go into wat could be the possible reasons to why im happy.. first i would like to talk abt my relationship btwn jon.

well, we didnt patch up. im sure many of u would have thought so. im no longer as sure as i used to be.. abt patching up with him, or being with him. i feel tat maybe i shouldnt turn back since i was the one who finalised the breakup.

why i decided to leave him? well.. one of it was tat the night i broke up with him, i was talking to him over the phone... and the issue of money was brought up.
[imagine]-conversation-
jon: i have alot of things to think abt right now and you or us is the last thing becos all i think of or can think of is work.

me: so would tat be wat it would be in thr future? like u would always have work on ur mind and u'd have no time to think abt me or us?

jon: well... seems like it. anyways, u know how i work.. i only think abt work, i can only think abt work.

[cut long story shorter]

me: jon... r u cheating on me? i have a feeling that something is going on, which i dont know abt.

jon: no. i dont even have the time. all i do is work.

me: well, but u seem to be able to find time after work.. like u'd go clubbing.

jon: i dont go nowadays wat.

me: tats cos ur broke. when u have the money u would.

jon: not true. even if i had money, i wouldnt. u know, im thinking of stopping clubbing. sick of the same ol' music. i'd prolly just go have a beer.

me: with who?

jon: oh, ive found a friend i can go have a beer with.

me: there u go! a friend! its never with me! NEVER!

jon: tats cos if i bring u, i'd have to pay for u.

me: but u buy ur friends drinks too wat.

jon: still it wont be as much as ur cover charge.

(me very angry and pissed off)
after tat, he brought up alot of stuff i never knew he bore against me. and he even accused me of making him spend 200 bucks on me on NYE. which is not true. tat night. we went to chjimes with his brother-in-law n sister. and i had 50 bucks with me tat night. i had two coronas. one i paid for myself and the other jon paid for me. then after tat we went to next page. i paid for my own cover. i remember cos i remember giving on the remainder of my money and paying for my own cover. and tat night, i only had drinks that came along with my cover charge. and he dare say tat he bought a bottle tat night? wat rubbish?

other than tat, he said he spent 80 bucks on me on my birthday. tat is another ridiculous shit. tat night i spent 80 bucks too. i paid for cab fare back to his place tat night and bought him a beer too. he said he bought drinks for my friends. tats true. but i NEVER asked him to. all i did was ask him to order and i'd pay it. i wanted to pay. but he said, "no.. its ur birthday, i'll pay it." i never wanted him to pay. if i knew tat he was going to use tat against me, i would have never let him pay a single cent. and he still have the cheek to say tat it is out of his free-will?! if it truly was out of his free will, would he have said all tat shit abt spending so much on me?! no. fucking shit i tell u. u have no idea how angry, disappointed and sad i was to hear tat from him..

he even brought up grudges which he bore against me since dec? abt the 300 dollar watch i was suppose to get it for him for his birthday but i really couldnt afford it cos i had to pay my mom and my bills?

u know.. tat night, i had been thinking alot.. and i was comtemplating on letting nick go.. forget nick, get nick out of the picture and stick with jon and start afresh. then i had managed to get some of my faith back and a bit of patience.. but after hearing wat he had said to me.. abt the money and all tat... i just snapped a second time. i told jon, "forget it jon, since it is like this.. since i have no idea u bore so many grudges against me.. tat im such a burden to u, let's just forget it. i really dont want to be with u anymore. i didnt know u were so unhappy all along." and left it as tat.

wat i heard tat night over the phone really broke me into pieces. when i heard all of tat, i just broke down and cried. it totally destroyed wateva remaining faith and patience or even maybe feelings tat i had for him. tats prolly why i dont want to turn back or patch back. im no longer ready to patch up and take another blow in this relationship. even if i were to give it s second thought and try again at this relationship, i would say.. not now.. maybe in the future.. soon or the near future? maybe, maybe not...

cos i cant imagine if i were to marry a guy like jon.. tat if he is still going to be like this.. he would calculate every tiny thing like how many he forked out for the family and how much he paid for the child and note it all down.. and when the child is grown up, demand every single cent back from him.. i cant imagine all of tat. for me, if i were to bring up a child on my own painstaking efforts and hard-earned money, its only becos i love my child and i know its my duty as a parent. i wont, ever and never will ask my child to pay me back, unless the child wishes to out of their own initiative and fillial piety.

well.. i guess tat is tat for wat went on btwn me and jon.. why i left him. though i dont really feel right or good about my decision, i believe tat it is a right one. cos afterall.. he wasnt happy in the relationship either.. based on all those things he had against me..

OFFICIALLY SINGLE

yes it is official. im single. jon and i r through. i dont wish to talk abt it as yet. will talk abt it once im ready to.. goodnight everyone.. i'll see u soon..

p/s: dont worry, i'll be fine.. just need some time to be alone.. btw, i did good in this sem. results r out and they r ALOT better than last sem.

Hmm
i forgot to mention tat nick has just left for canada for his graduation yesterday morning. he's going to be away for two weeks. i guess with nick away.. it's a good time for me to settle wateva btwn me and jon or at least clear up my shit.

the night and morning before nick left, we spent it together. i didnt think i would get to see him before he left.. i thought i would only get to see him like in another two weeks' time instead. cos he did say tat he is busy and he might not be able to meet up with me. who knew... the whole day i didnt msg him.. would he actually msg me and ask me out for a movie..

he came to pick me up at my place at abt 8plus and we went to watch a movie at lido. we watched 'laws of attraction' starring pierce brosnan and julianne moore. it was a nice show. nothing fancy or great but nice. its not the first time watching a movie with nick.. second time actually. the last time around.. we watched 'troy'. i like watching movies with him.. he makes me feel needed. in a sense tat im not watching it with any stranger, but with someone i know.

then after tat we headed back to his place n i helped him pack his luggage. helped him decide on wat to wear for his graduation day.. like which shirt goes with which tie, along with the pants and the overcoat. as well as which pants/jeans to bring over and stuff. it was pretty fun, somewat like a fashion parade. him strutting his stuff in those clothes and me picking it out for him. heh. after tat it was still really early and we just slept side by side.. cuddled and slept soundly.. till his alarm went off and he took his shower and afterwards.. he sent me home and he went off to the airport.. bleah.

it was really sweet and nice.. spending time with him.. all tat really made me miss him quite abit since he is not in town. funny how he asked me in the car.. wat i wanted from vancouver. didnt think tat he'd ask. didnt really want anything from vancouver.. so i told him tat i wanted him back in singapore in one piece safe and sound. he said sure no problem.. (the truth is.. wateva he gets from canada tat is specifically for me, i'd be very happy) =P

its been more than a day since nick flew off to canada.. and he had already sent me 2 smses from canada.. :)

Updates Pt 2

other than all tat going on in my weekend job.. i did mention that there r alot of new ppl in my life. i got to know alot of new ppl due to my job. got to know lots of other promoters from the supermarkets that i was assigned to. the difference btwn promoters and us BAs is that BAs are directly hired by the events company, whereas promoters r hired thru employment, recruit agencies.
during my job briefing for BA, i got to know nicholas ng. he is the trade marketing officer in APB, under the supermarket/sundries division. so indirectly he is my superior. though feline of EIdeas is my immediate boss. nicholas or nick for short has made an important appearance in my life. let me tell u abt his background or at least some stuff abt him. nick is 25 this year, he drives, he earns at least 3k in a month, he just came back from canada having completed his degreee in mass communications and he lives alone(cos his parents' house doesnt have a room for him). sounds like i did a background check on him? nah. ive been talking to him over the phone and going out with him for quite a bit. he's the almost perfect dream guy tat has walked into my life. cos of him i realised how much better i should and could be treated. know wat? he calls me almost every night before he sleeps even when i didnt ask him to? other than tat, if i dont msg him for almost a whole day.. he'd take the initiative to msg me instead?
he is a really sweet guy.. never known a even more fillial guy than him. i always look forward to meeting him, be it for a movie or for supper.. there is this freshness about him. another reason also lies in how comfortable we feel in the company of one another. the way he makes me laugh or smile.. how we can just be at ease with one another. i just want to get to know him better. he is really interesting in character and personality.
i like nick. there's no doubt abt it. but at the same time, i know it may just be my wishful thinking.. maybe its just a crush or an infatuation...
have a question in ur mind rite now? want to ask me wat abt jon? or how's me and jon? well, we're currently on this one month break where there are no obligations for both parties to call or to inform of their whereabouts.. no obligations or restrictions to go out with whoever or whenever. i was the one who set the one month break. i just feel so tired. tired of trying to make this relationship work. exhausted. especially when i snapped. ive lost my patience. since tat night when jon picked a fight with me in the middle of the night at 5am abt me not informing him of my plans(i was out with a friend).. and prior to that, he picked a fight with me going out with anil(my ex bf) for supper and that he didnt like it and stuff.. that he doesnt trust anil and blah blah~. since tat incident abt anil, my patience had already become really thin, i did tell jon abt it but nooo someone didnt pay attention and picked another argument with me.. i just snapped! now, every lil thing abt jon that irritates me, really irritates me to the max. being with him or around him has become frustrating already. tats why i asked for a month off to at least try to get tat patience or faith back. jon agreed to it. but he did ask.. after 1 month, wat happens? i told him, if im ready to go back to him, i would. if not then i'll leave.. harsh? maybe. impulsive? i think not. think all this is happening cos of nick's appearance? maybe. maybe not. u guys all know all along how've ive been while being with jon.. maybe all i need is change..

Updates!

WOW! been a while ive posted a blog eh? sorry babes and dudes, so much has happened n i really havent been bothered to blog. almost been a month and really alot has happened. alot of new ppl in my life these days. been working as a brand ambassador(BA) with Asia Pacific Breweries(APB) for Tiger Beer on the weekends. in antoher words, yes.. im a Tiger Girl. as for weekdays, im just at home bumming, doing totally nothing at all. okay, talking abt the job.. i actually got it thru my sister. i didnt even have to go thru any interview or wateva, just went for the briefing n i was roped in. the pay is really good. 10 bucks an hour for the department im working under.. in this campaign, there r three departments. the clubs/pubs, kopitiams, and the supermarkets/sundries. im under the supermarket/sundries. the BA under the other departments get paid more.. due to the nature of the location. the intensity of the harassment that they would face.. from the old tikopeks(horny old ah peks). anyways, anyone of u out there interested to work in my department can give me a ring or let me know somehow.. i can rope u in if u r interested. i have to emphasize.. we only work on weekends. :) but wat do we actually do as BAs? other than standing there and looking bimbotic and pretty. yes we promote, sell and educated the kitsch(dumb) masses abt the campaign that Tiger Beer is having; the football millionaire challenge. though we dont have a quota to meet in our selling.. but we are need to sell at least a minimum number.. maybe a few cartons or at least the best we can depending on the crowd. the best part of the job lies only only in the pay, but also the itinerary of the days' work. we start work at 1pm and it ends at 9pm. during this time, we go to 3 supermarkets in a particular area for a couple of hours.. then after that we would travel with our assigned sales representative from APB in their cars to the next location n so on. in btwn we would have dinner breaks. though dinner is not included, but we're still paid during that time. heh. cool huh?

oops! i forgot to mention that being BAs.. we have to be dressed in the Tiger Beer uniform. be prepared.. its not just any uniform. its a Tiger Beer tube dress in gold and blue. with a slit at the side and some kind of fake inner lining. -shudder- for me, im wearing a size M.. but the thing is.. my boobs no matter how big they already r.. r still not big enuff to fill tat tube dress. urgh. so every 5-10 minutes.. i would have to stop in my footsteps just to pull it back up.. yes it slips.. stop laughing u all. argh.