Long Hiatus

its been really too long since i last blogged. i have to apologise to all. im sorry i havent been blogging. too many things have happened and i have been occupied in many ways. school's back in after my 6 weeks of attachment at asia pacific breweries.

im really not in the state of mind to blog let alone talk to anyone. let's just say that right now, im pretty screwed. having alot of problems rite now. with money, with men, with friends, with school, with family, with myself. i cant share it with anyone, it is something i have to go thru on my own.

i will continue to blog as regularly as i can from now on. but i cant promise that i will be honest. it is sad, for it is my blog and honesty is almost indefinite but at the same time, i'd choose silence over truth.. simple cos this is a public blog, not a private one.

funny how i used to run to this blog to spill out my sadness and woes but now i seem to be running away from it. just like im trying to run away from my own problems..

my previous entry highlighted that i have been going in circles in my life. i still am. looking for the way out.. somehow i know the way out but i refuse to walk myself out. why? cos i am afraid? or cos i am too stubborn. it is true, i am stubborn. i dont listen. i know i dont. it is cos i dont listen that i have lost friendships and relationships. maybe i should start to listen. the difficulty lies in the first step. first steps are always hard. i am trying to take that first step but im not ready. the harder i try, i end up stepping backwards.

christmas is just around the corner. and at the top of my wishlist is strength. i pray for strength to take that first step. strength to move on.. strength emotionally or mentally. right now, strength is what i want and need most.

next is to find a new job. im still working with the esplanade but its just too difficult to get shows. i cant just survive on the pay from the esplanade. im thinking of going back to nightlife. just the weekends. at least i would be able to make ends meet with another job.

im going to stop here. im not going to announce my return back to blogging. for those who still check, welcome back. nothing much i know.. but im trying..