FUCk
i forgot to post and publish my last blog. just closed the window. i really cant remember wat i actually put. maybe a lil bit. prolly the bit on how fucking depressed and upset i was. cos i realised that ever since i got together with jon, i dont laugh as much as i did before. that i miss my friends, that i feel left out and that i havent really been able to do my own stuff and not be with jon that much.
but all of that is over. not that it is completely over but i managed to sort things out in myself and have made it a point to come home more often so that i have more time for me and myself. as well as my friends.

Oh yeah, he is down with a bad flu these days. just yesterday i went over to his house after school and i cooked chicken porridge for him. he hates porridge but i made him eat. jon is really fussy abt his food. hates ginger. luckily my porridge was tasty. heh.
after that i went to the doctor with him and his mom.. came back and had dinner, dinner which his mom cooked. it was delicious.
forgot to mention too. the time i shared the kitchen with his mom. auntie and i spent a really nice time sharing tips and chatting while cooking. she's really a nice lady.
and as much as i wanted to stay over i had to come home cos i ran out of clothes there. i have school later at 8am and i dont have clothes that i could go to school in... so i had no choice but to come home.
oh well.. i will head to his place again tmrw after school to check on him. till then i think i better head to bed now. only a couple of hours to school. laterz. thanks for staying tune and checking for updates. :) leave a msg on a tagboard to say hi. love u all.

Ola!
i know i know. i havent been blogging in like a week. dont blame me lah. but dont blame jon also. not his fault. anyways, im back here to blog already right? so dont complain la. :P
a sequel to my last entry. know wat? my mom didnt give me shit. on the contrary, she's been really nice to me. scary aint it? yeah it was at the beginning but i guess she's just hoping that if the hard approach didnt work, prolly the soft one should. well i guess it does work.
jon's work at regent seems smooth, been a week and he is already been put in charge of the pastry dept. impressive aint it? alot of things are being discussed. seems that jon wants to transfer overseas to some four seasons hotel in like hawaii maui. wat i told him was tat if he intended to make that transfer within this two and a half years, im not going with him and it would also mark the end of our relationship. cos im not going to agree with having a long distance relationship. i know its tough and it hardly ever works out. so thats wat i said, "if u're going in this two and a half years, im not going with u. im not going to be in a long distance relationship. and neither would i want to be in the way of ur career. i'd love to see u succeed in life and not miss the opportunity but im sorry. i just cant be that understanding as to put my own interests at risk, and risk both of us getting hurt." i mean i would love to marry this guy and join him wherever his career takes him but just not in these two and a half years. not when i have to finish my course of study.
i really do love jon alot. he means everything to me and i really cant imagine my life without him.
last saturday was rory's and skinny ryan's birthday party at east coast costa sands. was pretty alrite i guess. somehow i dont know why, i saw myself straying away from the crowd and seeking solace at the playground nearby. jon was enjoying himself and talking to the peeps who were there, i didnt want to take his fun away from him so i just slipped away. in the end, he noticed my disappearance and looked high and low for me.. in the end, he did find me. we spent time there alone at the playground, he kept trying to get me into going back to the party but i just didnt want to. but after much nudging and tugging, i relented and went back to join the others.
during the party, i caught up with many old friends. esp vanessa. havent caught up with her in ages. but that night was a bad night for her. she didnt have it easy being caught btwn her two friends. i dont want to go into it cos it is not my issue and im in no position to divulge anything.
in that night alone, jon said alot of things to me. and i said alot of things to him. he spilled alot of heart to heart things to one another. from then did i realise how much he loved me. never thought or imagined how someone could actually love me as much as jon loves me. his biggest fear is to lose me. and i told him that no one, nothing could ever take me away from him. only death could take me away from him. and he replied and said to me, "even death cant take u away from me. i wont let him. cos do u think i'd want to live if u died? i would want to die too if u died."
i have never heard anyone say such things to me and vouch his love for me with death, he even said that he would slash his hand there and then to prove the truth in his words.
i didnt know how to respond to him, for all i know in my heart is that there is no one, NO ONE, in this world i would love more than Jonathan. all the while we talked, we were looking into one another's eyes and our hands were locked together.
sounds so much like a fairy tale doesnt it? but and happy to say that its not and it happened to me. i feel like the luckiest person in the world. even though in our relationship that i didnt feel lucky at all, i can still say that my heart has been stolen. stolen by a triad gangster.

Peek-a-boo!
Guess who? duh. who else la. the owner of this blog la. lame ol' me. came home at abt 11ish to 12am. jon sent me home. we went to town to buy some knives and shoot some pool as well. yesterday marked our 6th month of being together. how time flies.
actually, i didnt want to come home at all. know that im so gonna get shit from mom for the debts to starhub. still owe them like 300 plus for my previous line. breached the contract and thus the penalty to pay off now. mom is gonna kill me cos the debt collector actually came to the house and asked for the debt. im kinda like paying it off slowly. but as much as school allows, i can only work like "this" much. and mom has cut me off financially already. so i have to take care of my transport and food myself. i really need a new job, not wu bar. i cant take the working hours. im gonna call MTV tmrw and ask a favour of Shan and see if there are any part-time jobs available for me to earn a quick buck or something.
believe it or not, but ive actually considered being a social escort ok? yes, that extreme. ive asked jon abt it and of course it was a huge no. i have to come up with 150 by the end of this week or else im dead. literally.
anyways, jon is starting his new job at regent hotel today. he would be working shifts and he would be busy busy busy. makes me wonder how this relationship is gonna go... but that is not wat's important now. wat's important is my financial woes and how i would have to go abt solving them.
i noticed.. this year was mostly filled with financial problems and nothing else. it even weighs out my relationship with jon. though it was the best thing that happened this year. god, i really need to do something abt it.
at the same time, i have my graphic comm project that is due next monday and i dont have the money to buy the mounting board man. and the bloody software which i bought, though it is pirated or in another words, street legal, it doesnt work, guess i would have to bring it back to the stall to change it or something. plus the keys which i duplicated, jon's house keys, one of them doesnt work. urgh. everything seems to be going wrong now. i hope there ar still some things which would still go right.
i think i better go to bed already. doesnt help worrying. besides, i still have school today. nites everybody