*cough*
Urgh. been pretty ill the past week. having on-off high fevers, flu and throat infection. been to the doctor's twice and have been on medication. so my days have been pretty much weak, tired, sleepy, stoned, drowsy, sick, light-headed and zombie-like.
just got home today actually. all this while ive been at jon's. i gave him quite a scare actually.. cos i was burning up like a torch. i almost hit 40 degrees.. spent quite a bit at the doctor's too.

Bad Day or Horrible Day?
hmmm.. i think it has been more of a bad day than a horrible day. not to that extent yet i guess.

woke up really early today for work at starbucks. my shift was from 6:45am-12pm. then i had to give tuition to Claudia at 1:30pm. Tuition ended at around 3:15 or so. Not too bad. just really tired. exhausted more or less. been giving tuition and working at starbucks these days. still undergoing training. my espresso bar certification test is on the 29th. oh yeah, my final speech presentation is on tuesday and my partner is Hanizah. our topic is chocolate. everyone in class seems to be expecting a good speech from me. my last speech was on wine and i did a demo. my lecturer loved it cos she loves wine. heh. not that i knew that she loved wine. just a coincidence.

well.. back to wat i was saying, abt my day. argued with jon earlier. so i guess that explains why im home tonight. home is like a refuge nowadays. when something goes wrong with jon and i, i'll run back home and seek solitude.

sometimes, i really think that i have a fucking thoughtless inconsiderate arsehole of a bf. fucking cb u know. was thinking tat since he'd been working so hard the past week, so i would go rent some movies and we'd watch together...
so fine lah, i rented 2 fast 2 furious, lord of the rings-fellowship of the ring and the two towers, and ju-on. so we watched lotr one and two together. watched two just now and i told him i was tired and i wanted to go sleep first and watch it another time.. he said he'd watch it without me. he watched it before already but i havent.
i even rented ju-on whn i hate horror movies and i told him i'd watch it with him in the day. just now i left his house and took the vcds with me.. he can still ask me to leave it cos he wants to watch it. wah lao eh... movie or me more impt?
then just now he said he's gonna go play pool with his colleagues later.. and considering the fact that i tot he'd be working at 5:30am tmrw cos he didnt tell me otherwise, i bitched abt him going out late and not being able to get enuff sleep.
then he can still snap at me and say that he is sick and tired of me bitching abt his work. please lah.. im not bitching abt his work. if he was working at 5:30am. he'd have to wake up at 4am. and thing is.. later THEN he told me he is working at 7am.
if i knew earlier.. would i have bitched? NO.

i told him that he didnt tell me earlier.. then he said would it matter? of course it would have. he said that it would not cos he still gets home around the same time after work. he just doesnt get it. i dont really give a damn if he comes home late or wat but whether he gets there in time.

one morning, i even woke up when i didnt have to.. woke him up for work, made him a cuppa milo and spread butter on two slices of bread for him. who would fucking do that for him?

im a fucking wuss i tell u. so fucking bloody soft hearted. maybe thats why he always takes advantage of that point of mine and takes me for granted.

urgh. enough of him. dont want to talk abt the shitty things that happened today. anyways, i just put up some poems which i wrote recently. do go there and take a look or read through it. u'd know how i feel all this while.

remember i mentioned in my previous entry that i wrote something for jon? i dont know wat to call it, cos i dont think it is a poem... the 'letter' is called 'Our Love, Our Life.' i'll put it here...

Our Love Our Life

My life revolves around you. Our love, our life as two became one. I have no doubt that I love you. Never have I felt this way for someone. You may say that you're someone difficult to be with but look, we've come so far in this relationship. Even further than I've expected. You've been my support, my shelter and my love.

As time goes by, my feelings only become stronger, not weaker. There were times where I couldn't breathe cos I was overwhelmed but I came through because of my love for you.

I want to mature and grow old with you. I want your children in me as they symbolize our love for one another. As I would look into our children's eyes, it would be filled with love and passion. Everything which I see when I look into your eyes.

Life would never be the same without you and I'm glad you've become part of me.

I hope that in life I'll be with you and in death I'll be there with you. Nothing can replace or take away my love for you. Not even death or illness.

I love it when our lips lock and our eyes meet, it feels like I've seen and tasted paradise and would never be sick of tasting you.

The way your fingers run through my hair, how you'd kiss my hair and love me with your fingers. My skin just grows hot with each loving touch as though I was put on fire.

My heart, mind, body and soul yearns for your presence every single moment. My body aches for you to be near.

I've given you my heart, please take good care of it just as I care for yours. PLease never stop loving me, I can never bear to think there a day without your love.

-End-

im dead tired.. im gonna go to bed already, can barely keep my eyes open. ok, im going to stop here for now. blog soon. take care you all. bye!

-hug-

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
i must warn. this is a very lengthy blog, read it only if ur interested and that u have the time. im not responsible for any adverse effects of reading my blog.

im quite happy these days. just a few days ago was jon and i's 7 month anniversary. we didnt celebrate. actually, it totally slipped my mind till the next day then i realised. heh. my bad.

anyways, just on the 9th, i received my long awaited surprise from jon. i tot it would be him cooking me a meal or just something special he'd do for me when we're both alone. but never did i really expect a real gift. he gave me a ring!!!! it was a gorgeous ring. simple in design.. this 925 silver band ring with a black line all around the middle of the band. though it wasnt like tifanny's or cartier... or even if it was just from a normal shop and didnt cost much, i didnt really care. it was my first real present from jon, something that i can put on me(other than the shark's tooth he gave me that is constantly around my neck), that would symbolize that im his.
at first he came to pick me up from my Starbucks training at Liat Towers. then we went to Burger King at Liat to have dinner. i was broke and so was he but whether the meal was paid in coins it is still money. only then did i realise that he was really broke.. then while we were eating.. he told me that my surprise was on him.. and that i had to find it. i didnt really expect a real gift from him cos he was so broke.. tot that he might have just worn his sexy jockey briefs again to surprise me and fill the night with many hours of TLC. i feel really bad abt this.. but i actually did maybe have an idea that he was getting me a ring, cos earlier that day, i did ask if it was a ring and his expression kinda gave him away. oops. and the most ant-climax thing i did to jon.. even worse than spoiling the surprise.. was to find my surprise on him without much finding. all i had to do was ask him to move nearer to me and i took his necklace(a chain with two shark teeth) and found my surprise chained to it too. everything just took me less than 2 min after he asked me to find it on him. jon was so shocked and even more surprised than i should have been. he swore "cheebai!!" and was so surprised that i found it so fast.

oh god, i feel so bad... come to think of it now. but i still love him to bits to know that he got me a ring even when he is broke. knowing that he was broke, i was worried that he might have spent a bomb on it. so i asked him when he got it.. he said sometime back.. he met his mom in town.. he chose it and he placed a reservation on it. i asked him how he knew my size and he said that he's been holding my hand for seven months already that if he doesnt know my size and how nice my hand fits in his.. that he must be really dumb. so now it makes me seem like the dumb one cos i really dont know his size. he is really sweet, but only when he wants to be.

he said that he wanted to get me a ring on our 6th month anniversary but then he really didnt have any money.. but now that he's got a stable job.. he has some money and he decided to get me a ring to make up for the 6th month. he even said that this is just a temporary ring. that when the time comes, he'd get me a real ring.. rings that come in a pair. one for him and one for me. the whole of yesterday... he made me a really happy woman.

thought the past weeks weeks havent been a fantastic time for us and there really came a point that i thought that maybe it would be a good thing if i left him.. so that he could concentrate on his career and not have to worry for his gf. i really thought that he would be better off cos he isnt really that fantastic at juggling work and gf. as halim would know wat went on then... dont really want to go much into it cos it was an unhappy time.

anyways, it was jon's off day on thursday and he told me he was going out on wed. he heeded my advice abt clubbing the day before his off day so that he didnt have to wake up early.. he could just sleep the whole day. he said he might be going to chinablack to party. and i tot to myself... i havent been clubbing in a while and ive been really itching to go out and have fun, so i called cammie and asked if she wanted to go clubbing, she then said that she might be going out with venessa(jon's cousin), so i called venessa and asked if she wanted to go clubbing. we ended deciding to go for ChinaJump at chjimes. one, i havent been there. two, it was ladies night. with that two in combination, i just couldnt refuse. cammie didnt want to go, so i went with venessa and called along a classmate, my buddy hanizah.

when i told jon that i was heading out, i didnt tell him that i was gonna go clubbing at chinajump at first or that i was going with venessa. jon always like to come up with last min decisions of going clubbing though he had work the next day and i really didnt like it. so i wanted to make him know how i feel when he does that to me. he got pissed off and kept thinking that i was trying to get back at him. but i did tell him before that im not the type.. if i was, i would have gone down to wu bar by myself and dressed to seduce and would have brought a sailor back to fuck him. but im not that kinda girl.. like his ex gfs. i believe that wat goes around comes around. i dont want him cheating on me. so i wont do that to him.

after that, he was behaving like a total prick, kept asking where i was going and who i was going with and wat time i would be home and stuff. i told him i was going to chinajump but didnt tell him tat i was going with venessa. i didnt know that chinajump were one of the places he didnt like me to go to.. other than chinajump, there was next page, cheeky monkeys, wu bar and hendrix. he doesnt like the places and the people who patronise there. but i think tat he should at least trust me and my own judgement. i went home first after school, then decided tat i wanted to go clubbing and went back to his place to get some of my stuff and headed to venessa's house to get ready. i ended up leaving his house angry and pissed off and so was he.

but after awhile, i realised how dumb it was and called him.. i told him to go to my bag, take out the foolscap pad in it and flip to a page in particular. cos on monday, i had written a letter/insert/poem to him.. called "Our Love, Our Life". if i have a chance, i'll put it up on writings on the wall.. so look out for it.

he called me after reading it and he said he loved it alot. he was overwhelmed and he was speechless. that night itself we made up. i asked him to join me at chinajump and he realised that i was with venessa and that there was nothing to worry abt at all cos venessa would take good care of me. that night he whispered words to me and told me how much he loves me. he said that he's dad had talked to him abt us and scolded him for treating me like crap when i take such good care of him. wat i wrote and wat his dad said made him think alot while he was at chinablack. he thought abt us and me. abt how he is old enough to make his own decisions and decide wat's best for himself. he had told me that he wants to be with me for the longest time in the world, but the only problem is whether i'd let him. i really didnt know wat else i could say to him but tell him how much he meant to me and how much i love him. he really means the world to me.

even though he says that he doesnt like to club with his gf and would never bring me clubbing to zouk with him cos it is his old hangout and that he never brought his ex-gfs. and his excuse is that i dont like the music at zouk. i find it really dumb and ridiculous cos i have been to zouk and i find it and its music alrite. but i guess i have to understand that he prolly just wants his space and that we cant always be together.

btw, chinajump was great, it was really packed but it was fun. i had abt 10 drinks and was having loads of fun dancing and getting to euphoria. the part which i loved the most was when jon arrived and we partied and had fun together. i proved to him that it can be fun clubbing with his gf too.


Starbucks
as i mentioned earlier. starbucks. i just joined starbucks not too long ago. i applied at the toa payoh branch and ended up being hired at concourse beach road. anyways, there were 6 training classes. yesterday was my last, as in the 10th. and tmrw im having my in-store training from 12pm-5pm. and on sunday from 8am-1pm. kinda excited to start work cos its fun making drinks. but before i start work, i have to go get my typhoid jab either at the polyclinic or at the liat towers clinic for 17 bucks. need to ask mom for that money man.

School
School's been good. school's been bad. bad thing is that i have to repeat a module. good thing is that ive quit wu bar and i have my allowance and my transport expenses back. this weekend would be a busy weekend. have to study my phonetics for my quiz on monday. and have to come up with the powerpoint for media in society presentation. and submit the projects due on tuesday. two presentations on tuesday. graphic communication and media in society. busy busy busy. media in society exam on the 31st of Oct. halloween.