Painful day today
woke up at abt 3 plus in the afternoon, was awakened by joanne's banging on the door. joanne wanted jon to bring stuff to auntie ruby so tat auntie ruby can bring it to uncle joe. uncle joe's been admitted to Changi hospital, scheduled for a small surgery for his right thumb. heard tat they gonna put two screws in his thumb. hopefully he'd be discharged by friday or maybe even today(thursday). it was ann-marie's birthday today, joanne had a special dinner gathering for her at home. she cooked fried sambal chicken, pork ribs tofu preserved veggie soup and this other fried tofu thingy with prawns, onions, garlic and stuff in it. oh yeah, plus steamed brocolli, cauliflower, baby corn and carrots in fish marinate or something like tat. it was nice, i helped her with the preparation work and the washing of the dishes. then also helped jon(who was at the hospital) water the plants along the corridor cos uncle joe instructed him to.. other than cleaning up the fish tank.

i so wanted to stay for the gathering at jon's place but i had to go to work la. promised stephen tat i'd work for him and so i had to turn up. ann, joanne and auntie ruby asked me if i could not go to work.. i wanted not to go but i had to la. so did jon. jon had to work at chinablack today. he didnt feel like going to work either but no choice la. so we both left for work la.

we took a taxi and he dropped me off at far east plaza, from there i took a bus to work.

*sigh* work. dont really want to talk about work. work was busy. not overcrowded but it was alright. had quite a few orders and received quite abit of tips(not going to say how much, heh. secret.) and got hit on by a number of guys. odd how im not pretty and i wasnt dressed up, had my geeky glasses on and still got guys wanna ask for my number. haha. francesca(this dancer who is a customer, nice one at it, pretty too), she said im cute. cute?!

which makes me wonder why so many ppl, say that im cute. ppl like my own fiance, bernard(jon's cousin), francesca, lynn(another dancer), a few customers, my own abusive boss, the aunties n uncles at the kopitiam near work. why?! i dont get it. *note: the definition of their cute is not ugly but adorable. meaning of cute in this case, i've checked it up.
from www.dictionary.com it means:

This----: cute
adj. cut·er, cut·est

1. Delightfully pretty or dainty.
2. Obviously contrived to charm; precious: “ [He] mugs so ferociously he kills the humorit's an insufferably cute performance” (David Ansen).
3. Shrewd; clever.

Or -----: cute

\Cute\ (k[=u]t), a. [An abbrev. of acute.] Clever; sharp; shrewd; ingenious; cunning. [Colloq.]

Or -----: cute

adj 1: attractive especially by means of smallness or prettiness or quaintness; "a cute kid with pigtails"; "a cute little apartment"; "cunning kittens"; "a cunning baby" [syn: cunning] 2: obviously contrived to charm; "an insufferably precious performance"; "a child with intolerably cute mannerisms" [syn: precious]

whatever meaning you choose from its up to u, but its definitely not ugly but adorable. heh.

k, another thing which was pretty unpleasant at work was that i was abused by raj(my boss) again. for the past three days, i've been involved in his violent banter while he was drunk. he twisted my right arm to the back, choked me with his elbow lock, gave me a handshake and crunched my right hand. all of that that i choked, came close to suffocating and passing out. i tried to run away then he pulled my hair to pull me back. when i struggled and whacked him with all my might. it only made him put more pain in wherever he was hurting me. i screamed and begged for help from my colleagues and his guests. but no one helped me. i was in so much of pain that i cried. i didnt do anything wrong. but when he twisted my hand to the back, he asked me to say sorry. i had no choice but to say sorry cos every moment i take not to say sorry, he'd twist my arm harder. a guest tried to interfere, but he told his guest, 'these r my staff, u stay out of it.' worst part is tat he would give me an arm lock and ask other girls, his guests to touch my tehteh(boobs)....

the pain, the humiliation. god, it really makes me think twice about going back there to work. there's a limit to my tolerance. *sigh* my right wrist hurts. i think it is sprained.

i told jon about it. he's not very happy about it. he says that he is gonna talk to raj about it. *shrugs* other than that, nothing else much to tell. im tired. need to run some errands in the day later, need to go to the bank and verify my thumbprint and signature for my debit card, at the same time i have to go down to benetton in taka and collect my top which i bought and sent for alteration like almost a month ago. fuck man. hope its still good for collection. gonna go to bed now. can barely keep my eyes open.

still in abit of pain and shock.
urgh.
nites.

sum sum sum bum bum bum
its not tat i havent been home to post stuff here but that i really dont have anything interesting to post. ok. first thing i got back home was to check for mail. there were three letters for me. yay! cos i finally got the debit card which i applied for. it works somewhat like a credit card. somewhat. heh. then another is a letter from school. about orientation and stuff. but i doubt i'd be going for it. number one, though im doing year one all over again, but im not a freshie. i was a freshie and i have been there and done tat. fuck it man. got tat compulsory freshie thingy to go for. but i'd most probably skip it somehow or the other. =P

oh yeah.. im kinda still working at thawu. did i mention tat venessa was terminated by stephen without any reason watsoever? or should i say just cos venssa doesnt get along with jaime? anyways, ryda just resigned too. tat bitch should have done tat a long time ago. never knew tat she was a fat two headed backstabbing bitch. but after all tat hoo-ha at thawu when i was on leave for a week.. finally saw everything unveil. angie is also another person who cant be trusted.
i sorta quit like two weeks ago.. but then stephen kinda asked me to think it thru carefully and said tat he needed me. and i sorta went back to thawu. cos one thing is tat i need the cash. pretty badly in fact.
things r pretty okay btwn me and jon. going pretty well i'd say. our relationship is becoming more stable. we dont bicker as much as we did before. maybe cos we try to talk things out more and look from one another's perspective and understand wat's going on, instead of fighting and getting angry at one another. i think im still falling deeper and deeper in love with him. i dont know why. i just love him, everything about him. even his faults, his bad temper, his insensitivity(sometimes), his silli-ness and his attitude problem. lately, jon's been bumming around at home.. going out and stuff, cos he's been retrenched. he still does part-time work for his company but its like a few days in a week kinda thing. he still hasnt paid his debt to m1. roughly about 500 bucks. hahah. my debt is slightly more than his actually. 600 over bucks. tats why i said earlier that i need the money pretty badly. need about 300 bucks before the end of the month. and i only have like 5 days to come up with it. fuck. *makes calculations* doubt i can come up with the full sum.. maybe 250 or so.. who knows..

jon's dad got into an accident. he was knocked down by a car while he was riding on his scooter. he sprained and fractured both his wrists and it is making it hard for uncle joe to move anything with his hands. then just yesterday, it was anne-marie's birthday. i was invited to go for her celebration thingy at Next Page. Jon, Joanne, Puran(jon's brother-in-law) and I went down together, and i was actually planning to go home to change first then meet them there, but joanne said she'd lend me clothes. which she did. i borrowed a denim dress from her and borrowed aunt ruby's heels. i looked pretty nice. =) it was such a nice feeling to be accepted by jon's family and be loved by them. best part is tat joanne has almost become like a sister to me, my own sisters dont even want to lend me clothes. how ironic huh? had fun at the party and went for supper with the whole lot of them. =)
heh, jon just called me.. its already like almost 5 in the morning. i came home from his place at 2:30am. came home cos i didnt have any clean clothes anymore. had to come home to check my mail anyways. mom wants me home anyways. he says he misses me. i kinda miss him too. he said that he is used to seeing me everyday and it's odd if he doesnt get to see me. know wat? i kinda feel the same too. i love seeing him and having him around me. silly him asked me if i could go back to his place when i just got back home like for barely 3 hours. not that i dont want to but its gonna be a strain on my pocket. dont have the cash to take so many taxis around. esp with the midnight surcharge. how i want to be with him every minute of the day. i just cant get enough of him, but i dont want him to get sick of me cos we see one another every day. but i just dont want to make it seem like im not giving him his space and tat i need to see him all the time. he knows that i trust him. and he knows tat i dont mind him going out and hanging out with his friends and doing the guys stuff. i know he needs friends too. as much as i love him, i think we need time off one another from time to time. gives us a chance to miss one another. just like now.

fuck. i really miss him.
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. i really do miss him. no i cant cry. too stupid to cry just cos im not with him at this time of the night.
i miss him. i miss kissing him, i miss touching him. i miss having him make sweet love to me. oh fuck i miss him so much.
steph, get a grip.
go sleep. yes i should go sleep.
sleep.
nite.

2 months already..
yesterday was jon and i's 2 month of being together. wasnt really a good one. cos jon is the kind of guy who doesnt keep track of such dates and doesnt celebrate such occasions. been pretty upset at him for the past two days. cant blame me for doing that, cos i tot that his attitude towards me was bad, so i gave him a taste of his own medicine. i mean.. i know he can be insensitive and stuff, but sometimes he just didnt have to say things without running it thru his head.
first it was the day before yesterday, he asked if i was gonna go home or go back to his place with him, but then i asked him.. "Do YOU want me to go home?" then he replied me and said, u havent been home for a long time, u should go home. he didnt even answer the question!
he didnt even ask how's things at home before asking me to go home. things on the home front arent as good as it looks. didnt even talk to any of my sisters. only ppl i talked to was mom and my bro. felt so unwanted still. i didnt wanna go back but he was asking me to. so eventually i was unhappy and i was throwing a tantrum. he didnt even know why i was throwing a tantrum. argh. in the end, i got so fed up i said, "fine, im going home."
other than that, stephen was being a huge jerk yesterday. im on leave for a week and i went down to thawu.. he had a fight with jaime and he got drunk and he started ranting and raving, chasing the staff from cheeky monkeys(the bar next door whom we're having a war with cos of paula, the bitch owner) out of thawu. fuck, it is paula who is the bitch who did us wrong, not the staff, dont vent it on them, they didnt do anything to us. SamPaul came so close to punching him, but i stopped him and said that stephen is old and drunk, dont do it. but after sam and his company left, stephen continued calling him pariah and stuff.. and he called my jon a mama too! bloody hell.. no one calls my jon a mama k? though he is indian eurasian(mom is indian, dad is eurasian), he is half mama. mama is an insult. stephen went, "steph, why do u like mama fellas?! dont like them la!" and i said to him, "stephen, before u say anything else, dont make me snap at u. i love jon and for ur info, he is half mama." and stephen went, "fuck off la!" and just walked off. i was so outraged. fuck man..
oh yeah.. we have a new assistant manager at thawu. kinda glad that she's here with us. cos now all the shit with stephen and jaime might finally come to an end and we the staff might have a better time at work. she's called lisa, she's formally from hotstuff.
i've got lots of errands to run tmrw, my ngee ann matriculation package is finally here and i've filled up most of the forms. just need to run my errands tmrw, get the whole package ready and send it out. and also get my line reconnected. yay! i will finally have a phone again! =P
gotta go to bed now. need to wake up at noon-ish. jon would be going swimming tmrw and he's working at 6.. dunno till wat time. other than me running errands. i have no other plans.. maybe he'll be meeting me tmrw. *shrugs* nites
*poof*

Flashback
how time flies.. its a tuesday of a brand new week. im home now. havent been home for more than a week since bryant's birthday. was put thru the firing squad when i got home on the 30th.. i didnt argue back, just kept a straight face as everyone at home blew at me. i pitied my brother. it was his birthday and he was gonna have a party but he had to see all that shit happen right before it. it was cos it was his birthday that i didnt want him to suffer, so i left the house promptly. i so wanted to stay and celebrate his birthday but then again, everyone was unhappy to see me. i just showered, changed and left for work.
got to work that evening but i couldnt fight the tears no more.. as i told vanessa wat happened at home, my tears just kept falling. she comforted and consoled me. and there i decided that maybe i should go away and stay away from home for awhile since im not wanted anyways. that night after supper, jon and i came back to my place and i packed my stuff and left home.
mom never realises how much what she says hurts me.. only when im gone does she think and realise abt the impact of her words. oh well.. he's like that.. im numb to it anyways.
the week that i was over at jon's.. there were times and moments that i just wanted to go back home. jon calls his home.. my home too. it's really sweet of him, i know.. but afterall, im still not a part of his family unless the day i am married to him. oh yeah, did i forget to mention.. he proposed on my birthday and i said yes. =) so now im verbally engaged to jon. hah. how ironic man.
another thing i forgot, i got into mass comm.. school starts in july. YAY!! that is another thing im happy about! =)
tmrw is jon and i's 2nd month of being together. it's been great, well.. not all the time but overall, im happy and he's happy.
my birthday was on the 26th. didnt do much on that day, but it was one of the moments which i will always remember. i got an ang pao from jon's mom. auntie ruby. on the 25th, uncle joe(jon's dad) called me on my hp and wished me a happy birthday, cos he thought it was on the 25th. i got a nice home made cake from joanne(jon's sis), two chocolate pound cake slices from sara lee and two scoops of chocolate ice cream on top of it. it was much but i loved every single bit of it.
i feel very loved and cared for in jon's home. something which i dont get at home, so maybe thats why im always there.
aunty ruby and uncle joe had a dinner gathering in the house on sunday, aunty ruby's friends came over.. i was introduced to them and i felt happy, like im part of them. first time for me to feel that way. before the guests came over, i helped aunty ruby in the kitchen, helped her to wash up abit, or wherever she needed me. it was nice. i ate alittle of dinner and she offered me wine. that was nice too. god, everything seems so nice over at jon's. but at mine, i feel so cold and alone. fuck that.
mom seems to miss me. she's been trying to contact me since my disappearance. cos my hp is down, im not contactable. didnt bother to call home anyways.the only time i called home since i left it was on the 30th itself. i got vanessa to call home and ask for bryant and then i wished him a happy birthday, with a muffled teary voice of course.
mom disconnected my singtel line. jon's dad was trying to contact jon so he smsed my singtel line, not knowing that it was in use by me anymore. mom called back to uncle joe's hp. woke him up and talked to him for abit. came back to jon's place after X-men 2 and was oddly informed my uncle joe that mom wants me to call home. called her and spoke to her for abit. nothing much..
oh yeah.. im trying to look for another job. sick of working at tha wu already. *sigh* trying to get work at the pet shop at river valley. jon is out of work, indigo closed down. he's been depressed cos of that. it affected our relationship somewhat but we're alright now.. hope everything goes well in the second half of the year..
i'll end here now.. continue it another time.. over and out.