What's Love?

Sorry folks, been awhile since i last blogged. been wanting to blog but yet havent really gotten to it. where to start? hmm.. last week was a pretty emo-fun-crazy-party-sadness filled week. nick came back on monday morning. know wat? till today, i still havent seen him since he came back. alot has happened.. i really dont know where i should start. nick came back.. went to work and faced alot of talk abt me and him. talk that wasnt true and talk tat made him feel edgy and uneasy. dont know why but i think it was since then tat he hasnt called me.. hasnt replied my messages and etc. i mean. he does reply my smses.. but just not as prompt and definite like before. he's changed towards me. he's not as passionate and not as feeling toward me. now he's pretty cold.

we both agreed tat we needed to talk and sort things out. so as the week went by, i really hoped tat he'd meet me or we'd go out but it never happened. he's always been busy and stuff. we arranged to meet for a movie on saturday nite but it got cancelled at the very last minute cos a friend of his needed to be 'rescued'. *sigh* i really do miss the nick i got to know.. i miss the kisses. the embrace.. the warmth of his hand.. the way he makes me laugh or smile and the way he makes me feel about him.

i hate the awkwardness btwn me and nick now.. but we've pretty much sorted things out last night. we didnt meet.. i got to speak to him over the phone for abit but tat was it.. nothing more. only sorted things out when i came back home and he was online too. he wants to be friends.. doesnt want anything more but just friends. he said he cant handle having something going on btwn us and yet not being together. but at the same time, he's not ready for a relationship. he said tat if tat kinda thing continued btwn us.. he knew tat he's going to run away from it soon after. so now.. we're just going to go out as friends, without the kissing and the holding hands.

i just found out.. tat in his definition.. we were dating. but now we're not. in my definition.. we're just going out.. dating yes but we're not together. argh. hate it. hate it how things have become like this. hate it tat we wont be dating anymore. but there's really nothing much i can do now. he's already decided. though i did message him n say tat if he ever changes his mind about us.. about dating.. let me know.. cos i'll be around. foolish me. oh well..

so back to wat happened in the past week. on wed i met up with 6 other girls for ladies night. winnie, cassandra, liwen, huiqing and etc.. we went to dbl o. me and cassandra were downing tequila shots most of the time. got quite high but sobered up in the end. halfway i had to go chinablack to meet nicklaus. another nick.. but when i got there.. he said something cropped up and he was at hilton drinking whiskey. so i made a wasted trip down to chinablack. jon was there. we kinda talk/argued. he wasnt happy tat i was high and tat i wasnt standing straight or talking properly. okay la. i was high, swaying from side to side and slurring. so wat? heh. he begged for me to give him a chance to win me back.. and words slipped out of my mouth.. i told him tat there is someone else in the picture.. nick. when jon heard tat, he smashed his phone on the floor and it went into pieces. i got pissed off and i screamed at him and said, "pick it up now! dont u dare do this to me!". then he picked his phone up. i could see tears in his eyes.

in the end, i agreed to give him the chance.. been pondering over my decision. i guess some part of me still wants to be with him.

afterwards i headed back to mohamed sultan to look for the girls. went back there and we didnt head into the clubs. we just hung around.. one reason was cos i was hungry. heh. we headed to the kopitiam nearby and i had my black pepper steak. yum! i really miss some folks back at mohamed sultan.. and also the food too.

by the end of the night.. where the clubs closed, the people came out either hungry or high. i got a phonecall not long after. jon called and asked if i wanted him to pick me up.. i told him its okay.. i can always head back home by myself and he can save the money. then he said tat i really wanted to pick me up and have me over at his place and spend time with me. he kept insisting.. so i relented. he came.. i said my goodbyes to the girls and we took a cab and headed to his place. sounds normal doesnt it? well.. there's more to it. never did i expect him to be even more high than me. halfway during the cab journey back to his place.. we had to stop to let him throw up. i ended up sending him back to his place and not the other way around. he said all he had was a heineken and a stout. but from the way he was behaving.. i seriously dont think it was just a heineken and a stout, must have been more than tat for him to have been tat high. funny how i saw him tat night.. it really reminded me tat it was exactly why i left him.. and wat i dont wat to go back to.

so tat was last wednesday night, thursday morning for u.

on friday, i worked.. collected my pay and since hanizah got a STUFF magazine invite for two.. we went for the launch party. the invite wrote tat the party was held at the pier at robertson.. so we went there.. who knows.. tat the party WASNT there at all. it was at zouk instead. only found out when we chanced upon a signboard tat told us tat it was at zouk. the invite did not mention anything abt the venue. fucking hell. wasted trip to the robertson. we grabbed a cab and went to zouk. by the time we got there, i missed the freeflow beer.. urgh. my favourite hoegarden man. no more. i had a disgusting tasting henessey green tea man. tasted like crap. no taste, no flavour. the show at the party was so-so.. nothing much. alot of goodlooking ang moh models.. but it was pretty boring. the party ended at 11pm.. so we decided to head on to Phuture instead. YEAH! PHUTURE! RNB! hurhurhur. it was so my kinda music. and so hanizah's kind of music. we both didnt want to be approached or disturbed by men.. so we decided to pass off as lesbians. lol. at phuture, they were having 1 for 1 for drinks. i had 4 coronas! lol. one after the other. like i was just drinking water. hanizah had her usual of coke/sprite. we had so much fun man. but one thing for sure.. i was more high on wednesday than i was on friday. :) headed home after tat.. though before i did.. some stuff happened.. but i dont think i want to mention any of it.

saturday and sunday was just mainly work as BA and nothing much.. so im not gonna say anything more.. that was my past week i guess.