Tired and sleepy
got quite abit of things to tell. havent been posting so i guess thats a good reason why i got so many things to tell in this post. been at jon's place.. but i have been home for the past two days. no time to come online i guess. been trying to catch up on my sleep. been sick too. working, sick and staying at jon's.

two saturdays ago was raymond's(this goodlooking suave eurasian guy who is my friend. heh) birthday and we(vick, their friends n me) went down thawu to celebrate i guess. was supposed to cook for raymond but i didnt, cos i was broke. that night was quite alrite, jon was working at angel's(this club that replaced indigo-jon's former workplace) but he quit cos he didnt like it there. did i mention before that raymond's good friend vick is a nice guy? they r all nice ppl. love them to bits, lately. they've been the ones i see most, cos they come to my club. anyways, raymond loves me like his sister. kisses me on my forehead, head, hair all. love that kind of attention. that night they opened a 1 litre bottle of JD.. and i was the only girl in the company of 6 other guys.i danced with them as a group and danced with raymond and vick exclusively. but the most exclusive went to vick. *shrugs* dont know why but i think i kinda like him a tiny bit. good looking guys catch my attention. he asked me to dance and i did. we bumped and grinded with one another and i culd feel some attraction and vibes going on btwn us. but to me, it was just a dance. i told jon abt it and he was fine with it.

who knows, come a week after that, i find out that vick likes me. he is really attracted to me. we were smsing one another (i was bored at work and jon was working too), and i asked him wat he thought about me. he said that thoughts dont matter but whenever he was with me, there were vibes of attraction btwn us. i agree man. im damn surprised to find out that a good looking guy like him would like a simple girl like me. shockingly that night, raymond kinda joked and said, "steph, why didnt u meet me earlier?" he was referring to why we didnt get the chance to date one another. but the truth is, i did know him earlier, before i met jon but we didnt get to meet before i met jon. i hope i make sense. anyways, back to the sms thingy. vick asked me wat i thought about him. and i told him honestly. that he is nice, sweet and all. and that if i was single, i would have asked him out. (too bad im not, and im quite happy with how things are with jon. happy but not exactly happy happy, if u know wat i mean)

i dont get it. when im dating someone exclusively, other men come all over me. but when im single and available, no one comes my way. and they r all good looking single men. fuck that shit man.

oh yeah, it is halim's birthday on thursday. im working on thursday so we're all celebrating tmrw. gonna go for the foam party at hendrix tmrw. yay. pretty excited about it actually. heard that alot of ppl r going for it. im excited cos jon is going with me =) meeting halim and cam tmrw, with jon as well. havent seen jon for a day. miss him a little.

well.. things r not really fantastic btwn me and jon. been arguing alot. over small stupid things. i think i must control my anger a little bit more and be more tolerable. just 3 days ago, had a massive fight with jon. i was crying and shit. i think it was last saturday. jon was working and usually, when he takes the company transport home, he'd be home by 4:30am or so. but i waited and waited till like 5 plus in the morn and he wasnt home.. (i was at his place remember? and i was waiting up for him, i always do wait up for him if he is working and im not) didnt get any smses or calls from him saying that he was coming home or had plans watsoever.(he'd usually call or sms saying that he just finished work or something) so when it was like 5, i called him. no answer. i was so worried already then. cos i'd never know if he's gonna like get into a fight with some guys and have to 'settle some problems', his own words. when he didnt pick up my call.. i was so worried that i broke down into tears. after that i smsed him to ask him where he is and it took a damn long while before he replied and said that he was eating with his friends. i got upset and said, then why didnt u pick up my call.. then he replied and said 'drinking la'.. i tell u.. i flew into a rage man. i replied him and said, 'did it occur to u that ur girlfriend is waiting for u at home and that she is worried when she didnt get any calls or smses n u didnt pick up her calls?' though i was in a rage, i was still crying...

when jon got home. i was turned away from him, didnt want to let him know that i was crying and all. but he saw and asked me wat was wrong. then we argued and stuff... *sigh* i dont want to go into the details... can get pretty boring cos its always the same shit.
the next day after we fought, we didnt speak a word to one another.. then i left for work in that evening and said bye to everyone in his family but him...

ok.. i really cannot take it anymore. i'll continue this thingy later in the day. i need to get some sleep. -outz-