havent been posting in a while already. maybe cos there isnt really much to write about. but i do realise and notice that, ever since i got attached to jonathan, i've been moodier than before. im more stressed out than before. maybe cos i used to be alone, i didnt have to consider too much about other ppl's feelings other than mine. but now that im with jon, i have to think about him, wat he thinks and feels... and wat he says or does affects me. so maybe thats why i havent been posting.. consistent depression. stress. same thing everyday anyday.

oh yeah, cos of jon, i rejected vivek. it wasnt very nice though it was over the sms. i felt so bad about it. it simply killed me inside. i dont like hurting people. that day itself, i felt so fucked up. didnt smile or talk much watsoever. jon noticed that something was wrong and asked me about it. i just kept quiet and smiled, a weak and faint smile.

things havent been smooth with jon, i feel so distant. sometimes he is warm, sweet and close but on other times, he'd be alone, cold and distant. i keep wondering, is it something i did or said? maybe cos ive been seeing too often.. maybe..

was high again last night.. azmi.. made me drink so much. but yes i guess i did have a choice whether or not i wanted to drink. i was kinda upset last night cos of jon.. gawd! i need to take things slow man. not only is it bad for me, its unhealthy for my relationship with jon.

i was at the chalet with jon last weekend, we had fun. the first night i got damn wasted. heh. but the whole idea was that i spent time with jon. which was very nice. though i was bitten by mosquitoes( i had 15 bites!) and till now, im still itching from it.

ok i think i better go and get ready to go to work. if not i'd be damn late. i'll try to post more.. gonna add like two more poems to writingsonthewall. look out for it.