Dreams

Just woke up not too long ago. had a few wonderful dreams. jon was not in any of them. i dont know wat does that mean but it could be cos i had an argument with him before i slept. but the dreams.. it was rare and i really didnt feel like waking up.

i dont know if i should tell it to all and put it here.. for im afraid that the person i dreamt abt might find out and may get uncomfortable with it.

The dreams were abt love and friendships. the second dream i had had my friends in it. funny abt the second dream was that it was a dream abt old friends, not new. they were friends from secondary school. i dont know wat it means. it seemed like it was a secondary school friends' chalet gathering. where everyone has achieved something in life or something like that, and we meet up after many many years and i had a car, i drove and so did my friends. the weird thing abt it is that i never wanted to be in touch with alot of them. but in that dream, i actually enjoyed myself with them. to be honest, i just knew that they were friends, i couldnt really see their faces clearly.

the other dream abt friends was actually abt my present state relationship with my classmates from the OTHER cohort. it wasnt a pleasant one. in the dream, we were fighting. well, everyone was fighting against me. similar to wat it is at the moment with them. but i do tell myself, it is the last project now, just get it over and done with. and i'd be done with them.

when it comes to the dreams abt love. it was love that was unconditional, selfless and giving. the guy i loved so much in the dream, had been involved with this other girl previously and some misunderstandings happened and he just moved on... i was together with him and he gave me his all in the relationship. everything was alright till the girl came along, he didnt really care in the beginning but when the girl said something like, "we missed out on something beautiful as obstacles came our way and clouded our senses... misunderstandings happened as our feelings took on a beating.. i want to try again, and i know u want to as well.. " after she said that to him, he began to ponder and became confused, his feelings a mess.
i saw that and i felt sad. sad not because i was afraid to lose him but sad because he was sad too. i wanted him to be happy. so i told him, "go to her. see wat else she has to say. if u wish to pursue that beauty btwn the both of u, i will respect ur decision. if we're meant to be, we would be together. if not, ur place is not with me but with her. i love you and i want u to be happy." he loved me, but he also wanted find out the unknown. he couldnt fight the immense certainty that has been growing in him. so he expressed his feelings for me, thanked me for being understanding and went off to seek the truth.

in reality, i dont think i would be able to be that selfless or giving that i would give someone i loved so much to someone else. but also in reality, i wouldnt want to be with someone if he didnt feel the same way anymore. in the dream, he was perfect. he was gorgeous, charming and awfully oozing with appeal. in reality, so is he. in the dream, we shared kisses. they seemed so real. it was soft, sweet and so much more. in reality, im not with him, i prolly never will. i'll always be the wonderful listener, the one always there for him. there'll always be a part of me who will love him secretly, but never more than how much i love jon.

funny how after those kisses in the dream, i thought about jon. i remembered the kissed we shared. and how it was so different as jon's lips were fuller and so kissable. i never wanted to stop kissing jon. it is like an addiction.

am i cheating on jon in my dreams? in my dreams i wasnt with him. but is this infidelity?